I wrote you earlier this afternoon about how happy I was that I was progressing in my attempt to get you for myself. But tonight, I was hit and crippled by incredulity, I was drowning in sadness. I couldn’t understand this feeling. I was stupid to be happy over the feel of a single hug, to think that you were drifting away from your boyfriend; that the hug was a sign – the fact that you pressed your chest against mine, the originality of it.
I saw both of you tonight; I saw the way you smiled at him…looked into his eyes and at them. I have never seen you behave that way around me. At first, I did not really notice that it was you; all I saw was a happy girl in love. But I cleared this image from my head immediately I found out it was you.
Your boyfriend Yinka called me to greet me; I felt he said my name with trust and respect that I believe(d) I’m a fool for trying to betray him. Then, you called my name in the usual way which triggers my love, clicks in my heart and makes my brain reload to shoot memories of you into my head again.
Should I kill my brain’s control over my action, allowing my heart to take control? I’ve always heard that love comes from the heart, and that is where pain is felt. I do not know where I feel this pain any more. Does it come from the eyes I can’t stop from pouring down tears or my heart which skipped a beat when I saw you and Yinka and now beats in millions? Does it come from my brain which cannot currently think of anything straight? What is this silence I now feel, is it loneliness or pain?