*Steps on the podium*
I can relate to that: not searching for GOD but running away from HIS Presence; walking away from HIS Steps; busy moving farther from HIS Voice, calling.
I think I know the modalities of that state: your heart is in a frenzy, your conscience is shouting at the top of its voice so you are as guilty as you are filthy, you are dirty because you might have done the unthinkable but you only feel worse because you had the power not to; yet, you did it, anyway. A part of you wanted it more than you did not want it; or let’s say you were deceived and had no idea that it would end up this way: some person…promised they spoke the truth but it was all lies glossed up in condescending shreds of truth.
Let’s say you know what you have done is wrong: you are shocked at your level of skill in doing this one thing or those other things which are not just injurious to you but also to GOD. GOD may not seemingly feel pain but you feel a lot of pain for having tried to cause the pain, in the first place.
Let’s say you have judged yourself, thus you want to leave; let’s say you have determined you are unworthy of being saved, thus your need to cleave to the sin like it can be your salvation.
Let’s say…you have become “god” to your self and determined that this is your end because based on morality, you deserve(d) all the condemnation and damnation the world can muster.
Trust me, I can relate.
We’ve all been there…here…wherever you are; listening to this or reading this. We’ve all ran away, curled into our shells in hopes of self-preservation as the nearest form of salvation. We’ve all left where we were or where we were kept; we’ve all been displaced, dislocated (not by bone alone but away from joy or the magnitude of peace). We’ve all been distant from GOD and it’s always by our own making. Isaiah, the prophet, knew this and called it the work of sin (Isaiah 59:2). I know this, I call it the gut(s) of guilt. You know it, and at this time, you might call it life.
The irony is that you would have looked for GOD, before; but now, you are not doing that because it seems you cannot; you don’t qualify to search for GOD or wait for GOD. The aerial view of guilt is a busy wind pushing you – by reason – to think that GOD doesn’t deal with low-lives like you and me. Well, life hits us low, so?
Anyway, even though, you aren’t looking for GOD…even though you are running from GOD, a part of you (GOD in you) hopes that GOD would find you, help you make the right steps back. You hope that ABBA would call you forth from the darkness, give you the strength to make a move because ABBA made the move, first. Now you want ABBA to come, first and then you’ll let ABBA come first in everything.
If you have asked, “where is ABBA”? and “Doesn’t HE miss me”? ABBA is in the question. GOD is in the question:
Where are you?
ABBA, calls to find you, calls to locate you, but calls – not because GOD doesn’t know where you are – to start a conversation with you. You can talk this out with ABBA and if you can talk it out, you can walk out of this. ABBA wants you to hear HIS Voice just as much as HE wants to hear yours. ABBA wants you to run back to where you left the same way you ran away. ABBA wants you, home; did you know? Just as the FATHER urged The SON to complete the SACRIFICE of Salvation, by silence; ABBA wants you home to complete your return and repentance, by conversation. This time, ABBA uses speech to reach you.
When GOD asks you this question, when GOD is found in this question, when GOD requests to know where are you? You… should respond, “here I am, LORD” like Little Samuel to the host of heaven so that the revelation of your redemption may be revealed to you, through you and for you.
*Steps off the podium*