Dear Dad #4


Dear Dad,

I miss you. I tell myself I’m better off alone, and I’ll be stronger when I’m independent. But I really can’t imagine life without you.I have imagined it,its not worth talking about.

I spend a lot of my time thinking. .. well… worrying actually. You always tell me not to worry but we both know that’s impossible for me.

I know you’re far… really far. But I think you’re close enough. Well… I made black braids and I added coloured pins… I got a teal coloured nail polish and found out it was too bright for my skin tone…lets not go there.

Today I took off my jeans and felt so relieved… it was extremely tight… I lined my eyes just to enhance my look but by the time I went back to the mirror. .. it was all gone… I probably robbed it off then I was pouncing on my brother. .. I guess stuff like that ain’t for me.

For the first time I figured that my brothers shirt didn’t seem soothing. .. and may be I should have worn I peplum top or a vintage gown…Well… it finally hit me… now I know that you are not bothered by my looks, actions or inactions… all you wanna know is that I’m okay. Well dad… I have been through all sorts… toothache, headache, poor decisions, crazy and amazing moments but the highlight of everything is that I’ve got you… and that’s the truth I’m sure of.



Dear Dad #3

1:22 PM

Dear Dad,

I’ve always wondered why you’re so smart and what makes you smart; Not that I am not smart but you confuse me a lot. You say you love me but I really don’t seem to understand your love. How do you define love: silence, inaction, a slobber, a slippery hug? Maybe I’m too young to understand love (or you). I guess you are different; I remember one time when we both looked at a tree once but I wondered if we saw the same thing. Because you caught it down for a lemonade stall. Now I am thankful I own a lemonade stall but I guess you misinterpreted me saying, “I love this spot”.

The day we went to the beach, mom didn’t let me enter the water. I was upset and you told me I seek beauty in the wrong places. I wondered what that meant then you built a pool. Today I’m fascinated by the point where the sea and horizon kiss as the sun sets.

I waged war against distance and time. I ran off to boarding school with the thought of being independent. Mom didn’t want me to leave but you smiled and even packed my bag for me. We parted with a whisper from you saying “see you soon”. I was a little confused and thought you were a little lukewarm. After spending a year in boarding school, I ran back home. You gave a soft smile and said “I’ve been waiting for you”. I cried like a little girl, well I am your little girl. I hated boarding school and you let me go, just to remind me of how much I love you.

I would question your way of doing things but I think I’m fine with it.


Dear Dad #2

6:25 PM

Dear Dad,

I see running away from my problems as the first step to solving them. don’t judge me At least I’m aware there is a problem (I hope that counts for something). Some months back, I noticed an unlikely situation in my head. I ignored it, I knew it was odd but I paid no attention to it. Today, there is a war going on in my head (feel free to call it anarchy). okay running away isn’t always a good idea, how about I just tell everything to you?

I’m worried about my jeans, are they skinny enough? You never seem to care. I’m tired of black braids; I think I should add a pop of colour to them, like…say… blue or red, how about both? Sadly, it would never happen: mum believes I have to be decent. Apparently decency has been defined by black braids; weren’t all colours made to express beauty? I’m a little confused here and you have nothing to say about it – you’ve never said anything…

Last week, I tried out black nail-polish but my skin tone doesn’t bring it out at all. That’s technically your fault. Sometimes I get a little pissed that I’m not as fair as mum. I feel like night at day; I guess that makes two of us: It’s not that bad; I love putting on my brothers’ clothes, but whenever I’m hanging out with my girl friends I look like drag. So I stick with the guys – did I mention they find me comforting? I seem to be living the dream around deep voices and crooked moustaches. it doesn’t hurt to be different sometimes.

Daddy, I’m only bothered about all these things because I make myself think that is the problem. But the truth is my looks aren’t the problem…if only I knew the problem I would have said it already. Do you….know the problem?



Dear Dad #1


Dear dad,

It’s clear that my mind is as cloudy as when it’s about to rain; but I’m scared of even admitting that. I know I’m at fault; I’m always at fault.

I want to do it all myself, but then again I wish I could. I know you have thrilling expectations for me, from me; but the truth is I don’t think I can reach them, not the way you would expect. Now I’m supposed to say exactly how I feel and state the problem but the thing is, I’m the problem and my feelings…I doubt they still belong to me.

I have so much to say but each time I attempt to utter a word, I choke. I would tell you the truth but what if the truth I know is a lie? What if I am not sure anymore?

Someone said that “whatever you think the problem is, it’s not the actual problem, there is always something smaller behind it.”

So I’ll start with a subtle, hoping this would clear the board a little “I’m sorry.”

Your little love,